Yet here I am, 33 years old, and in many ways I find myself at a similar in-between stage of life. Thankfully, puberty is behind me (and so is my phase of wearing baggy male clothing), I have more life experience now, and can walk into this next in-between stages with more faith in my God and more confidence that though I may not fully see what is ahead, I don't need to be afraid of the popular kids, forgetting my locker combination, or not making it through 7th grade.
When I reflect on where I am in life, it seems like just about every area of my life is currently in waiting, in the in-between stages of one step and another. I am at that awkward stage between waiting for God's voice and getting the green light to "Go now." In the words that follow, you will find the real me and where I am at right at this moment. It may be messy. It may be raw and vulnerable. It will most certainly be real (and random) and I pray it will meet you where you are, point those who read it to the Person who gives me the confidence to step forward into the unknown, the God who is faithful.
In-between Careers
If you've talked to me at all or read this blog at all in the last couple of years, it is no secret that I am currently going to school. The super-brief back story is that I felt God was calling me to work in the adoption realm in some capacity and decided to take the first steps to do so. I went back to school to pursue a degree in social work.
Today, I took another HUGE step in this direction. I officially told my boss that I would not be returning to work for the 2017-18 school year. People, as a student and then as an employee, I have been a part of the school that I currently work at for 18 out of the last 19 years! That is well over half of my life. After graduating from high school, I went to Bible school for a year and then returned to work at my Alma mater. This place is definitely my comfort zone. I would be lying if I said I wasn't absolutely terrified.
I will, Lord willing, be finishing up my associates degree during the fall term and then transferring to another school (and most likely another state) to pursue my bachelor's degree and ultimately my masters. These are MASSIVE changes for traditional, comfortable me. While I am worried about all that could go wrong (Hello, lack of income that I need to survive), I am also extremely excited about what is in store and how God is going to provide for me and use this experience. I may be venturing deep into the unknown, but I know that the God who is guiding me can be very known and will be with me every step of the way.
"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8
In-between the Beyoncé moments
While going about my normal, everyday life about a week ago, I obviously had all of the changes ahead in the back of my mind when I had, what I affectionately like to call a Beyoncé moment... I was home alone in my apartment. I don't even remember what I was doing, but I noticed something to the left of me, and as I tend to do, I started singing some of the lyrics to Beyoncé's Irreplaceable. I sang, "To the left, to the left, everything you own in the box to the left" and I lost it...
I immediately started thinking about everything that I had to do to prepare to pack and move. I got stressed with irrational thinking such as, "What if I can only move one box of stuff and this song actually applies to me? How am I going to decide what to keep and what to get rid of?" Then I remembered that I have almost a year to figure all of this out. I don't have to worry about it today. I'm not moving tomorrow. Chill out, Karly. You've got time.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34
In-between Church life
If I'm being honest, I haven't been as plugged in at church this last six months or so as I should have been. I've been using school, schedule, and the fact that I'm going to be moving "soon" as an excuse not to be serving as I should. Why invest in someone if I won't be around for the long haul? I've been content to mentally jump ahead to where God has me going, and not focusing on where He has me now, on why He has me where I am "for such a time as this." I have been convicted of this big time in the last few weeks. It is almost a year before I am moving. How many people have I encountered for less than a year that have impacted my life? Innumerable people have impacted my life and I need to be obedient to where God has me in the present time. I don't know exactly what this looks like yet to be honest, but I am praying about how to serve the church and those around me in the here and now, not just in the future. God told me to go make disciples, not to sit and wait for a year...
"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20
The In-between Love life
This may be the most emotionally difficult in-between stage that I am currently in. A few months back I ended a relationship as an act of obedience to God. While it has been made clear over and over again since that time that I did the right thing, and avoided some major pain in the future, it is also hard for me to think of being single for awhile. I so long to get married and start a family. I absolutely know now that it is so much better to be single than in the wrong relationship though.
A friend recently asked me if I was ready to get back out into the dating world. I think that emotionally and mentally, I am, but it wouldn't be fair to someone to start a relationship at this point, knowing that I am planning on moving in the next year. I have mostly been content with this mindset, focusing on God and where He has me instead of desiring another relationship. Then when you least expect it, the pain hits...
I am currently taking an online women's health class. Last week we covered topics such as infertility and miscarriage. I read the statistics and had a minor melt-down. Am I really okay waiting another year before even meeting someone? I'm not as young as I used to be and my eggs may be "drying up" and prevent me from having children. How old will I be before I finally end up with someone and can start trying to have kids? Contrary to what my literary buddy Katniss Everdeen says, the odds are not in my favor... But God is. I have to trust His plan, His timing. I do trust it most of the time, but for the sake of being real, there are times that I just ache and wonder if it will ever be my time...
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end." Ecclesiastes 3:11
Here I sit, life full of in-betweens and unknowns, terrified yet excited, having to trust God more than maybe any other point in my life. I covet your prayers and can't wait to see how God uses this time in my life. I pray that I survive this awkward in-between stage much more successfully than I did my middle school years. I pray that I point to Christ more, lean more on Him, and trust Him every step of this crazy journey.
