Sometimes, when you're single and 30 years old, life just sucks. All I've ever wanted in life was to be married and have kids. My life plan was to be done having kids by the time I was 25 and be the cute, young mom. God obviously had a different plan. Most of the time I'm kind of ok with this. Sometimes the reality is just hard though.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I was absolutely miserable. Here I was, 30 years old, and completely alone. I had to boycott Facebook and other social media sites for the day because everywhere I looked, people were talking about how blessed they were to have someone special in their lives as well as pictures of their cute kids. While I am extremely happy for these people, and I agree that they are blessed, put simply, I hurt. Even the posts about boring nights at home with their significant others made me want to scream, "At least you have someone!"
I know that I'm really not alone. I know that God is with me and that there are people who care about me. I know that God has placed many other peoples' children in my life and I treasure that experience. Sometimes though, I just want to know when it's going to be my turn. I know this sounds selfish and it probably is. It's the reality of where I'm at.
Many well meaning people over the years have encouraged me. Telling me my time will come, that God has an amazing plan. Deep down I believe this, but at the same time, there comes a point where I'm just tired of the cliches. Sometimes life is just painful. Sometimes God has to work through the pain. Sometimes it's hard to see what good could possibly lay ahead. Sometimes, life just sucks. That's kinda where I'm at right now. I don't want to stay here forever, but if it takes more tears for God to bring me where He wants me, I guess I can stay here for a bit.
Sorry this is such a downer post. I'm just being honest about life. Thanks for reading.
