For the Love of Valentines Day

Valentines Day. Those two words mean different things to different people. In my years of life and conversations, I've noticed three main reactions to this day. To some people, February 14th represents a day to remember how loved they are and to lavish that love on a significant other, some see it as just another day, and for some it is a day of grief. We probably all know some people who fit into each of these categories. We can all agree, that to some extent, we at least think about love on this day. I believe that the Bible is very clear that we are to love others, regardless of what stage of life we are in. How do we make these worlds collide? I am no expert, but I do have a few thoughts.

To the "I love Valentines Day!!!!" people:
You know who you are. You love romance, flowers, hearts, candles, kisses, hugs, chocolate, and the over-the-topness of the day. Good for you. I am truly happy for you. Enjoy your day. Keep doing you. But maybe tone it down just a little... Please, go ahead and enjoy the day. Thank God for the blessings in your life. Have that romantic dinner with your significant other, but for the love of others, maybe don't post EVERYTHING on social media. Remember that this is a hard day for some people. Make a point of reaching out to, or at least praying for people who may not be having the same happy day that you are.  Enjoy your time with the person closest to you, but isn't it more special to keep some things just between the two of you anyway? I'm not saying to keep everything private. I often fall into the last category (more on that later), but I still enjoy seeing people happy. I enjoy seeing relationships that work. I just don't need to se 50 pictures of the same couple enjoying the day and reminding me of what I don't have. Love others by being considerate of their feelings as well.

To the "It's just another day" people:
You're right. It is just another day. Another day to love people like Christ has called you to do. It is a great day to love others who may not agree with you by living out Romans 12:15.

Celebrate with your friends and loved ones who are loved every day, but especially appreciate it on Valentines Day. Praise God for their love. At the same time, Weep with people who are in pain. Hug them. Pray for them. Let them weep on your shoulders. Allow them to cry ugly tears. Love others in your "everyday."

 

To the "Valentines Day makes me sad" people:

Let me start off by assuring you that you are not alone. I probably have the most to say about this because I am one of these people. There are many different reasons for people to be grieving on Valentines day. Some may be grieving the love, marriage, and family that they so desire and don't have yet. Some by be grieving the loss of a loved one. Some may be in an abusive relationship and long to know real love. Some may be bitter or hurt by those who are supposed to love them the most. I don't know all of your stories, but I do know that February 14th brings a whole new level of pain for some people and I am sorry for that. If I could, I would hug you tight and let you cry it out, then give you gold and sunshine, rainbows and perfect love for the rest of your days. Unfortunately, I can't. As Christians, even in times of grief, we are called to love others. We perhaps, have the greatest opportunity to allow God to love others through us on this day because it's the hardest to do. It has to be Him doing the work to love those who are deliriously happy and gushy. It has to be Him allowing us to rejoice in their love. It may be a little easier to love people who just see the day as everyday, and we strive to be like them. We may even succeed at that for a time, but then a new mood hits and we are reminded of how alone we feel. We can love others by clinging to God, His promises, His truth, and allowing Him to love us and others through us.

 

Bonus: How to  (and not to) love those who are hurting:

I know that I have already taken the most space for these people, and yet, I have more to say (shocker, I know). Maybe it is because I can relate to these people the most and have the most experience in this area. Maybe it is because these people need to know love. I don't know for sure how God will use this or that it will even be beneficial, but it's my blog and I'll write what I want to :-P  So, here are some tips.

 

*Let people know that they are loved- Whether you know someone is grieving or not, take the opportunity to let people know in a personal way (not a generic Facebook post) that they are loved. It's simple really. Shoot them a text, give them a call, tell them face to face. Just let them know. Little things go a long ways.

 

*Stay away from clichés!- PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!! When I am hurting, I will never respond well to a cliché. Yes, I've "given it to God and stopped looking for a spouse." None showed up on my doorstep with a diamond five minutes later. Weird, huh? It is better to say nothing, and just be with a person than to say cheesy clichés that they are tired of hearing.

*Hug it out and let them weep- While you're not saying clichés, and maybe even just being silent. Be there for them by hugging them. Let them know you care. Warning: When a person is hurting the most, hugging may lead to tears. I don't mean sweet, wipe away with your dainty pinky finger tears, I mean full on ugly, wet, sobs. This is okay. Hug them tighter. Let them cry on you. Heck, you can even cry with them if you want! Be there for them.

 

*Pray for them and with them- This may again lead to tears, but hey, we've all been there, right? Take it to God. Remind them in a nice way of the promises found in His Word and that He loves them more than anything, That He is with them.

 

I hope this was helpful in some way, to someone. With that being said, I'll leave you with this for Valentines Day and everyday: LOVE ONE ANOTHER!!!

 

If You Would Have Told Me a Year Ago...

Happy New Year (a few days late)! This particular post has been in the works for a few weeks now, and has changed format a few times (I was even going to make a music video at one point, and NOBODY wants to see that! Ha!). As I began to think about the Christmas/New Year/Birthday/Valentine's season, it wasn't easy. On the surface, nothing much changed in 2015. I am still single and childless, working the same place that I have been for the last 12 years. Everyone around me seems to be getting married, having kids, going on these grand adventures... If I focused on that, I became bitter and resentful. Wondering what the point of 2015 was. As I cried out to God during these times, He was faithful to show me that much really had changed. He is at work in my life, and as His words say, I have received grace upon grace. Below, are just a few ways that I have seen this grace in my life in the last year.

If you would have told me a year ago that I would still be single, and be okay with being a mess about it sometimes, I would have doubted you. The truth is, that I would love to be married with kids someday (hopefully sooner than later). This has been a desire of mine for a long time. Sometimes I'm okay with my singleness, and sometimes I'm a complete wreck. This year, while learning how to lean on God more, I've learned to be more real, both with Him and with others. Upon not hiding the "ugly" parts of my life, He has been faithful to provide comfort through His Holy Spirit and through friends. Some of my close friends have heard me rant, and seen me cry, at sometimes irrational times. I have some dear friends, who are married, and instead of giving platitudes such as "Your time will come" or "It's all in God's timing", really are there for me and acknowledge the struggle. They allow me to cry and vent. They are there for me. God is there for me even more. His grace is amazing.

If you would have told me a year ago that my youngest sister would get married before me and I wouldn't have a complete meltdown, I would have thought it impossible. Thankfully, I serve the God who makes the impossible things possible. I am so excited for my sister and the Jesus loving man that she found. I didn't even shed any tears around the time of their marriage. It may have finally hit me around Christmas when we were gathering at their newly purchased home, that she has things that I have dreamed of for a long time. I may not understand God's timing, but I am truly happy for them, and it's by God's grace alone that I can say that and trust that He does, indeed, have a plan for me.

If you would have told me a year ago that I would be a student again after almost a decade, I would have called you crazy. As it turns out, I may be the crazy one. It wasn't until May of 2015 that I even decided to go on this adventure. Here I am, about to start my second term tomorrow. It is truly a God thing. I always wanted to continue my education, but didn't know what area to pursue. All along, God had a plan. For the last few years, I have been hearing more and more about adoption. God has been bringing it to light through sermons, news stories, and friends. God has truly given me a passion for this area. I still don't know how exactly this will play out in my life, but I am excited to see how God will use this as I take one step at a time, in faith, to pursue a degree and possible career in this field. Maybe this is why I'm single. For such a time as this, to study and move in this direction without the distraction of kids around. Time will tell. God's grace is marvelous!

If you would have told me a year ago that my entire immediate family would be together at Christmas, and be happy to do so, I would have been extremely hesitant to believe you. This time last year, my family was in complete turmoil. Life as I had known it for 30ish years, was over. Part of my family wasn't speaking to one another, and everyone was deeply hurting. (See blog post from August 2014 for more details.) Things are still far from what they once were in my family. There is still hurt in each person's life from things that happened. But through the grace of God, restoration has begun. I teared up as I sat in a Christmas Eve service at my church with most of my family sitting there. People sitting next to each other who definitely would not have even been in the same building a year ago. Things will most likely never be the same, but God's grace brings healing, and He is good.

If you would have told me a year ago, that my work life would look completely different, I would have cried. Truth be told, I did cry, a lot, when I found out about the changes that were to come. My comfort zone was being ripped away. The person who I had worked closest with for years was taking a new position, and work as I knew it would change. Because of these changes, however, I was able to go back to school, to work a different schedule. Yes, I work with different people and in a different classroom, at different times than I have for years. Yes, it was a hard adjustment at times and I'm still getting used to the new routine. Yes, I still mostly love my job. God's grace has brought me out of my comfort zone and back to why I do what I do. I get paid to talk to kids about Jesus, to pray with people, to see God working in lives. How cool is that?!?! God is good.

All of this is just a small glimpse into my life in 2015. It may not have looked how I thought it should, but when I really stop to think about it, even amongst the chaos and tears, God has remained faithful and He has me on a journey that is so much greater than I could ever plan for myself. He is faithful, and has truly given me grace upon grace.