Wow. It's been awhile since I've blogged. I don't really know where to begin. I guess I'll begin with prayer. I believe that prayer is powerful and am asking anyone else who believes this to join me.
Those who know me well, know that the last eight months or so has easily been the hardest season of my life. Without getting into too many details, to respect the privacy of some people who I love dearly, I will just say that this season has been extremely painful.
The reality of the fallen world that we live in is clear. Sin is real. Pain is real. There is a real spiritual battle happening. My family life as I've known it for the last 30 years will never be the same.
Over the last several years, I found pride in the fact that I lived a semi drama free life. But as Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."
Sometimes, drama finds you. Sometimes it's wrapped up in the people that you love the most.
I remember praying right before the start of the new year that God would soften my heart. My heart has since been completely wrecked. I'm not saying that God causes sin to happen or wants us to suffer. I am saying that though we live in a fallen world, He will use even the least of these to bring Him glory.
The last eight months have definitely been painful. I have wept more and cried out to God more than ever before. In that, He has been so faithful. Life sucks sometimes. Families fall apart. Things seem hopeless. There comes a point when all that you can do is pray. I've been doing that a lot.
I'd be lying if I said that through all of this, I always turned to God first or trusted Him fully. I have, however, on more than one occasion over the last several months come to a point where there is nowhere else to turn, and He has been waiting with open arms.
Life has been painful, hard, exhausting at times. My relationship with my Savior and my times with Him have never been sweeter even amongst the chaos around. His love has never been so real. I've had to cling to Him and trust His Word and He has been proven faithful over and over again.
The song below is one that I was thinking about as I was worshipping at church earlier this morning. I was praising Him and thanking Him that the promise found in this song his so true and one that I can trust. He never does leave my side. He is faithful.
All afternoon, I was thinking about this and thanking Him for it. I was thinking about writing this very blog. Then, once again, this evening, as I was with family, more proof of our fallen world became real. Pardon my language, but shit hit the fan tonight in a new, more difficult way. It's hard not to be angry at certain people, at the situation.
As I write this, I'm playing this song on repeat and have stopped several times to cry out to God and to claim the promises found in scripture and in this song. Life isn't easy. I often stray from where I need to be with my Savior, but He is faithful. He is with me. I will make it through this battle, with Him as my advocate. I am eternally thankful for His work on the cross.
Life is brutal at times, but it is also so sweet. Grace is real. Salvation can be found in Christ alone and He pleads for us. I have some great friends and family who have supported me and the various members of my family involved in these difficult times, but the One who is always there, is my precious Savior, Jesus Christ.
Thank you for reading this. Please be praying for my family in the days and months to come. Life sucks sometimes and we have a long road ahead.
Song: Oh God
